IELTS Writing Task 2 — Teacher Feedback

Task 2 · Positive / Negative Development
English is now widely used as the main language of education, especially in the education systems of some non-English speaking countries. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
Grammar Range & Accuracy
Lexical Resource
Coherence & Cohesion
Task Response
Improved-answer feedback
Student Essay — 313 words

Nowadays, English is become used as the main language of education system in many non-English speaking countries. While some people argue that this trend can improve social communication and crate job opportunities, I believe it is negatives outweigh the benefits due to high learning cost and the loss of cultural.

On the one hand, it is arguable that learning English in school brings several benefits. Firstly, it helps students communicate more easily with people around the world. When a person master a global language, they can make international friends, share knowledge and take part in social discussion without difficult and challenge. Secondly, having a fluent English accent can improve job opportunities. For example, most international companies prefer recruiting employees who can speak English fluently. Consequently, students who are taught in English can find a jobs with higher salaries and better change to work abroad in the future.

On the other hand, I believe the negative of this change more serious. The main issue is the high cost of education. For instance, this is because the students future job and high-quality life, schools need to use a lot of money to hire quality teachers, update learning facilities and buy excessive of foreign books. As a result, new facilities are very expensive, meaning poor families cannot afford this education, which creates bigger gap knowledge and future change. In addition, prioritizing English can lead to the loss of local culture. When student spend most of their study time in a foreign language, they will pay less attention to their mother tongue and traditions. During that time, this will make young people slowly lose connection with cultural roots.

In conclusion, while using English as the main language in education helps with communication and job changes, I agree that it is a negative trend because of the heavy financial burden on families and the loss of traditional cultural.

Stance rõ, nhưng thesis cần đúng grammarBài giữ nhất quán quan điểm “negative outweighs positive” từ mở bài đến kết luận — đây là một nền tảng tốt cho TR.
Phân biệt “learning English” và “English-medium education”Đây là điểm nội dung quan trọng nhất. Mọi benefit/cost nên gắn với việc dùng English để dạy các môn, không chỉ với khả năng nói English.
Lexical errors có tính hệ thốngNhiều lỗi là word form/collocation: loss of cultural, fluent accent, better change, gap knowledge, traditional cultural.
Grammar: simple ideas rõ hơn complex ideasCác câu đơn thường truyền đạt được nghĩa; câu phức dễ lỗi agreement, missing verb, article và noun number.
Task controlVới đề này, luôn kiểm tra xem claim đang nói về English-medium education hay chỉ về English proficiency; đây là ranh giới TR quan trọng nhất.
IntroductionParaphrase + clear negative position.
Body 1Communication → employment benefits, nhưng cần nối trực tiếp với English-medium instruction.
Body 2AImplementation cost → access gap; causal support hiện còn yếu.
Body 2BEnglish priority → less mother-tongue/cultural engagement → weaker cultural connection.
ConclusionPosition được restate rõ, nhưng còn lexical errors.
Word formation & category controlloss of cultural → loss of culture; without difficult → without difficulty; traditional cultural → traditional culture / cultural traditions. Lỗi không chỉ là “vocab”: từ đang đứng sai grammatical category trong noun phrase hoặc sau preposition.
Noun phrase architectureeducation system cần number/determiner phù hợp; a jobs vi phạm article + plural; bigger gap knowledge sai modifier/head relationship. Đây là pattern về article–countability–noun modification.
Verb frame & clause structureI believe it is negatives outweigh the benefitsthe negative ... more serious cho thấy clause frame chưa ổn: thiếu/nhầm copular verb và complement structure.
Agreement & inflectiona person master, student spend cho thấy subject–verb agreement lỗi lặp lại; đây là systematic GRA pattern, không phải typo đơn lẻ.
Collocation + grammar interfacefluent English accent, better change to work abroad, social discussion without difficult and challenge vừa sai lexical selection vừa sai phrase pattern. Học theo chunk hoàn chỉnh: fluency in English, a better chance of working abroad, participate in discussions with fewer language barriers.
Discourse grammarDuring that time dùng deictic time phrase nhưng quan hệ thật là cumulative result. Over time / As a result phù hợp hơn với logic discourse.
Descriptor gate đã hoàn tấtBand được chốt sau khi đọc lại official IELTS Writing Task 2 Band Descriptors (Updated May 2023), đặc biệt Band 5–7 cho cả bốn tiêu chí.
TR ≈ 6Main parts của prompt được xử lý và position rõ; nhưng một số support chưa phát triển đủ hoặc drift từ English-medium education sang lợi ích của English proficiency nói chung. Điều này chưa đạt mức Band 7 về focus/precision của supporting ideas.
CC ≈ 6Có clear overall progression và paragraphing; tuy nhiên cohesive devices/reference/cause links đôi lúc mechanical hoặc chưa rõ, phù hợp Band 6 hơn Band 7.
LR ≈ 5Vocabulary đủ để truyền đạt task, nhưng inappropriate word choice/word formation/collocation xảy ra thường xuyên và có lúc gây khó đọc: loss of cultural, fluent accent, better change, gap knowledge, traditional cultural. Tần suất này gần Band 5 hơn Band 6.
GRA ≈ 5Complex sentences được thử nhưng thường faulty; accuracy cao hơn ở simple structures, với agreement, noun phrase và clause-frame errors lặp lại. Đây là pattern Band 5 rõ hơn Band 6.
1. Luôn viết lại task thành “medium of instruction”Trước khi phát triển mỗi ý, kiểm tra xem nó đang nói về English-medium education hay chỉ English proficiency.
2. Sửa 4 patterns grammarSubject–verb agreement, singular/plural nouns, articles, và missing linking/main verbs.
3. Học collocation theo conceptemployment prospects, educational inequality, cultural traditions, language of instruction, lower-income backgrounds.

Band score / profile ước lượng

Overall
5.5
Estimated task average
TR
6
Task Response
CC
6
Coherence & Cohesion
LR
5
Lexical Resource
GRA
5
Grammar Range & Accuracy
Bài gốc khoảng 313 từ. Các criterion được chốt sau khi đọc lại IELTS Writing Task 2 Band Descriptors chính thức (IELTS, Updated May 2023); từng criterion dùng band nguyên và chỉ dùng cho phản hồi học tập; đây không phải examiner score chính thức.